


When Everything Has Been Erased In The Passing Of Time

by ishaisaac



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, How Do I Tag, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 05:45:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9421178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishaisaac/pseuds/ishaisaac
Summary: Kyungsoo looked up and he could see the myriad of emotion playing on the younger’s face belying the answer he gave him earlier. Kris should have known better than to believe when the man said he was fine.It was Suho after all.He would just need to wait and be patient.This was inspired by this song when I was watching Bada sang in Immortal Song 2 ~You're Just A Memory Now.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crosspost from my AFF account. I hope my English does not stop you from reading this. Please leave a comment if you please. I would love to hear from you. Thank you from reading. I love you Do Kyungsoo!!!!

When Everything Has Been Erased In The Passing Of Time

 

Seoul 2022

They arrived at the funeral parlor close to midnight after taking a cab straight from the airport. They both agreed that even though the flight was long they would go to the hotel later because it was more imperative for them to see their grieving friend rather than seek their own comfort. Their friend needed them more and they knew that they should not delay their meeting.

 

“Kyungsoo-yah, are you going to be fine, baby?” Kris asked the man standing beside him quietly.

 

“Yeah, I’m going to be fine. Thank you for being so understanding about this ge” Kyungsoo answered softly and looked up to the tall man, a small smile gracing his generous mouth.

 

“Okay then, let’s do this. Suho needs us. Tao texted saying Baek and him are accompanying Suho in the room, so we can just go and meet them there” Kris informed.

 

He grasped firmly the smaller hand and started walking but stopped his stride when he noticed Kyungsoo was not moving.

 

“Soo?”

 

Kyungsoo looked up and he could see the myriads of emotions playing on the younger’s face belying the answer he gave him earlier. Kris should have known better than to believe when the man said he was fine.

 

It was Suho after all.

 

He would just need to wait and be patient.

 

 

“Does he know we’re here? … Does he know I’m here?” Kris heard his partner asked.

 

Kris smiled assuringly and squeezed the hand in his large ones softly.

 

“Yes, he knows that you and I are here. Are we going in? You know that I’ll always be here for you”

 

They looked at each other’s face, one seeking for courage and the other giving a promise. Once an unspoken understanding was reached between the two men, both of them started walking inside, warm hands holding each other tightly.

 

 

Seoul 2016

 

“Soo, I should be going now. Kai would come back soon from practice” Suho whispered as he slowly extricate himself from their tangled mess.

 

Kyungsoo hated when Suho had to leave his bed because he was afraid being caught by Kai or any of the other members. They had just spent the last couple of hours immersed in their own world where there was no boundary between them. There were no Suho the leader and Kyungsoo the vocalist in those hours. There were only Suho the lover and Kyungsoo the beloved, a pair of beating hearts that melted into one burned by the fires of passion, lust and most importantly love. The love that was felt in their hearts and sometimes intimately during stolen times just like the present but never in the open.

 

Kyungsoo wanted to pull the beautiful man close and never let him go because that warmth belonged to him and he wanted to defy the secrecy that Suho imposed on their relationship but alas he had to let him go.

 

It was not the other members could not guess what was happening behind the closed and locked door but they respected the leader’s privacy too much to butt in or made any comments even jokingly. In return, Suho never messed in their love life unless they come to him for help. His relationship with Suho was one of secrecy and stolen times. But Kyungsoo understood it all too well because this was  part and parcel of being in a famous idol group.

 

His heart hurt, yes and he shed a few tears because being in love should be liberating but instead it has restricted him in displaying what he felt, what he wanted and maybe even what he needed in the open. It was bad enough that they had to closet themselves off from the rest of the world but not being able to be open with their own group members was even worst. Kyungsoo was sure that their friends would not judge them too much because if they did, they would have not kept quiet all these time.

 

He would love to have Suho for himself longer but the proper and responsible leader of EXO-K has a lot riding on his shoulders and he didn’t want to be one that plagued him with another problem. For now he would just give in to his lover’s request.

 

“Alright, hyung … I love you” Kyungsoo said before he felt the warmth from Suho’s body seeped away, leaving him cold and alone in his bed. He wanted to cry.

 

Seoul 2022

 

“Ge!” Tao said when he saw Kris standing at the threshold of the room. The lanky boy stood up gingerly as not to disturb a sleeping Baek, who was curled up next to him, head on a small throw pillow. The soft look that came across the tired young man when he softly arranged the pillow for the sleeping figure was not missed by the ex-duizhang.

 

Kris couldn’t help but smile because out of all the members in the group, the pair was the most unlikely pair to come together or maybe not. His smile became wider when he remembered about the man behind him because they were also might be called as an unlikely pair. As dainty as Baek to Tao’s height, Kris also could say the same to  Kyungsoo and him.

 

Maybe tall people like them have a certain affinity for cute, petite, huggable and cuddly partners. Maybe tall people like them like to be able to engulf their partner whole in their embrace, to secure them within their hold and to shield them from whatever bad things out there.

 

Maybe they were born just to do that.

 

“Tao. How are you?” Kris asked as he shook hands with Tao.

 

“Fine. Where’s Kyungsoo hyung?” queried the young man.

 

Hearing his name mentioned, Kyungsoo stepped out from Kris’ back and waved a small wave to Tao.

 

“Ahh! Hyung … I missed you” Tao said as he opened his arms expecting a hug from his adorable hyung.

 

Kyungsoo obliged. He missed Tao too.

 

“Where’s Suho?” Kris asked.

 

“He …” Tao started

 

“He’s here, Kris” a very familiar voice  answered.

 

The three of them turned to look at the source.

 

 

Seoul 2017

 

“You know you can talk to me about anything, Soo” Kris said.

 

Kyungsoo came last night to talk to him about his troubles and Kris knew it was about Suho even before the vocalist could form words to express his feelings. It hurt Kris to see Kyungsoo in such a state because he has a soft spot for the big-eyed young man. There were so many reasons for him to like Kyungsoo more than the others. The young man brought out the best of him without him even knowing it.

 

He prefers to see Kyungsoo heart-shaped smiles on his lips rather than to see them bruised from the amount the petite man worrying over them. Those beautiful eyes were red and nearly swollen shut by the amount of crying Kyungsoo did since he arrived. He came knocking at M’s dorm door a little over midnight asking for Kris. He was surprised at the urgency of Luhan’s voice when he told Kris that Kyungsoo was looking for him.

 

A bad feeling came over him and the feeling doubled when he saw Kyungsoo’s pale stricken face. He looked like he would fall and faint any time soon and Kris could see the slight trembling of the small body in front of him. Something really bad had happened. Without thinking, he scooped Kyungsoo in his arms and took him into his room, locked the doors and laid the mess that was Kyungsoo on his bed. He sat down at the edge of his bed and waited.

 

“Hold me, ge” Kyungsoo said.

 

The broken plea was enough to make him join the younger on his bed, gathering the trembling body into his, pushing softly the chestnut hair into his chest so that he could whisper soothing words into the sobbing man’s  ears.

 

Kris could not help notice how Kyungsoo fits him very well despite their height differences as if the younger was the missing puzzle he was trying to find all this time. He tightened his hold and wished he could just absorb the pain he could feel radiating from the man. The hold was only slightly loosen after he was sure Kyungsoo was asleep, all wrung out by the upheaval.

 

He liked the feel of Kyungsoo’s small hands laced with his and never missed any opportunity to hold them when they presented themselves. He savored those times and held them close to his heart because he knew that Kyungsoo belongs to Suho and he swore that he would stomp whatever feelings he has for the younger to keep them at bay. He promised himself to be always there for Kyungsoo and even Suho if they need him. They were his friends, his brothers.

 

But then times like these happened, when those feelings wanted to break free to the surface and run amok out in the open. He wanted to hold Kyungsoo close and tell him that whatever it was troubling him, this duizhang will always be there.

 

“What happened, Soo?” he gently prodded again when what seemed like an eternity has passed.

 

Kyungsoo was now sitting with his legs folded on his bed and he was facing the opposite wall. Kris knew he had decided to tell him what was wrong when the man took a huge gulp of air as if he was going to drown if he didn’t and exhaled loudly.

 

The tears that were threatening to fall again finally fell from those large troubled pools, making their way across pale cheeks down to the edge of the chin. Those crystal tears became steady streams and it was evident that Kyungsoo wanted to stay something but was struggling by the way his chest rose and fell. Kris waited another eternity before getting his answer.

 

“Suho hyung is leaving us. He’s …” a sob escaped from Kyungsoo.

 

Kris put his hand on the ones that were torturing the hem of Kyungsoo’s shirt.

 

“He’s getting married” and with that Kris knew Kyungsoo was broken.

 

He didn’t know whether it was true or not; he would find the truth about it later, but his Kyungsoo needed more than just words now. So, Kris pulled the smaller onto his lap and hugged him closer. He could feel Kyungsoo’s arms went around his waist in attempt to get closer and let him do so. That was what Kris was made  for; he was made to comfort this man and he wished he could do more. So, he kissed the top of Kyungsoo’s head and placed his large hand on the side of the younger’s head, pushing it slowly so that Kyungsoo was leaning on his wide chest. Kris then scooted himself near the headboard so he could lean on it comfortably.

 

He promised himself he would heal this broken man with all the power he has.

 

 

Seoul 2022

 

“He’s here” Suho answered and the three man turned to look at them. He just came out of the washroom after freshening himself up. 

 

He knew that Kyungsoo has arrived with Kris and he needed to prepare himself to face his ex-lover and ex-bandmates. It was a bittersweet feeling when he saw the two of them standing there, hands holding each other, in front of him. How long was it since he met Kyungsoo? Five, six years?

 

He had seen Kris several times before the pair moved to Canada but he did not have the chance to meet the younger male since his wedding day. It was a farewell to what they have and he knew things would never be the same. In a way, he was glad that they did not get to meet up casually because his resolve might have had crumbled earlier than it did and he might not have tried so hard to hold on to his promise towards his father.

 

Kyungsoo looked good and positively glowing even after such a long flight. The years have been kind to him and next to him, Kris looked happier and healthier. The tall man had filled up nicely and looked kinder with a smile gracing his mouth.

 

That was what Suho liked to call the Kyungsoo effect.

 

One could be content and happy by having the young man in ones life. It was just the way it was. He once felt it too but fate has intervened and his cursed sense of responsibility destroyed whatever what they have between them.

 

“Thank you for coming” he said.

 

Kris nodded while Kyungsoo gave him a tentative smile that tugged his heart. It will always be like this for him when it comes to Kyungsoo. The one he let slipped away but never forgotten.

 

Suho moved and went to gave both of them a warm hug. It was safer this way, Suho thought. He didn’t think he would be able to have the man he loved alone in his arm without him breaking down. Without showing more than he should because he was sure his reluctance to let go would be too telling. Maybe he was overthinking and even overreacting but it was better to be safe than sorry.

 

“How are you doing, hyung?” he heard Kyungsoo asked.

 

Suho smiled and answered not so truthfully, “I’m doing fine, Soo. Just fine”.

 

He was never fine. Since that fated day, he was never fine.

 

A call from his father’s secretary telling that he was expected at home for dinner ended his glorious career as an entertainer, something he had worked hard for. He had the blood, sweat and tears to show for it even but all was laid in ruins that night.

 

His father instructed him to quit the band and take over the family business. It was a no nonsense directive from the head of Kim family. And he was to be engaged to the daughter of his father’s business acquaintance. A very good marriage match-up his mother cooed. They were very happy that the girl has graciously accepted the proposal and Suho will just have to follow. Everything was already being mapped out for the couple and their union would also mean the merging of both companies. It was something that his father had been working for quite sometime.

 

Suho loved both of his parents a lot even they were not as warm and around him as much he would like them to be. He had been the perfect filial son to them but at the thought of leaving the band and worst leaving Kyungsoo was killing him. He wanted to rebel for the first time but he didn’t, he couldn’t. For all the happiness and pride that he saw on his parents face, the engagement and eventually marriage would boil down to dollars and cents.

 

He knew that his father was struggling with his business and the merging would be the much needed boost for their company to flourish and sustain itself for the years to come. His innate feeling of responsibility and true filial piety won over his passion and his overwhelming love for a certain vocalist in his band. He was a coward and he knew it but he was in a place where he needed to choose and he chose family.

 

He prayed that he would not have to live in regret for a long time but the gods did not favor his pleas. Regret gnawed him inside out savagely on the night before his wedding day and he was continually being reminded of his choice everyday of his married life.

 

“Come, let’s us pay out respect first then we’ll be able to sit down and catch up” Suho heard Kris said.

 

He noticed how the tall man’s hand was at the small of Kyungsoo’s back, gently guiding the shorter male into the room where they would pay respect to his late wife, Min Rae. And as he took his place at the side of the centre piece with Tao and a still sleepy-looking Baekhyun propped next to him, his eyes never left the couple.

 

 

Seoul 2017

 

It was raining heavily outside of the hotel’s club where the boys chose to throw him a stag party. Everyone was there except for Kyungsoo of course and nobody said anything about his absence. Suho knew that his boyfriend will not come to the party but he was really missing the boy so much that even a glimpse of him at the club would be enough for him to make it through the night.

 

Who was he fooling? A glimpse was not enough. It will never be enough because tomorrow his fate will be sealed and he will never get to come back to Kyungsoo. As he nursed the tumbler of liquor, he contemplated a life without Do Kyungsoo. The ruckus made by his friends around him could not distract himself from his train of thinking and the more he was thinking the darker the mood he was in.

 

He found him and Kris doing what they knew best, which was taking good care of their band members, at the end of the party. Herding the drunken group back up to their penthouse suite, the both of them made sure each one the boys were sleeping either on the beds or the sofas. It was hard work, but Suho knew that he was going to miss doing this. He was going to miss his brothers.

 

Both of them plopped down on the floor with ice cold beer each and stared out the vast expense of the living room window. The image of the city blurred by the punishing torrent of rain that was pounding unforgivingly outside. It was as if nature knew what Suho was feeling inside, the true nature of what he felt inside. He had been the façade of calmness and the ever-smiling calm groom-to-be these past few months when the news broke over his early retirement and planned wedding. He was the opposite inside and he tried his best not to show that he was dying slowly over his decision.

 

“How’s Soo doing?” he asked Kris.

 

He had to ask.

 

“How are you doing yourself?” Kris asked back.

 

He took in the question, mulled over it for a few second and gave his answer truthfully. This was Kris and Kris deserved the truth.

 

“I’m dying” he answered, surprised by the hitch in his voice.

 

“Are you sober?”

 

“Yeah. Why?”

 

“Go see him, Suho”

 

“…”

 

“Go see him” Kris said as he handed Suho a set of car keys.

 

“I’ll take care of the boys. Go!” Kris prompted.

 

After only a moment of hesitation, Suho picked himself up and took the lift to the parking lot then drove himself to their apartment building. His heart beat picked up as he realized that he has arrived at his destination. A sense of urgency came over him and without so much of a thought, he dashed out of the car into the pouring rain and made his way to M’s dorm. Luhan told him Kyungsoo was staying with Kris since Suho left the K dorm. He wanted to ask why but he didn’t dare to probe because he realized that he has no longer the right to question what Kyungsoo wanted to do.

 

Kyungsoo opened the door to find him soaked through and through, hair dripping with droplets of rain, body shivering, teeth chattering and standing in a puddle. Suho just wanted to see him for the last time but when he saw the frail looking man staring at him with huge eyes brimming with tears, his resolve just crumbled and reality hit him hard. His knees buckled and he was kneeling with hands over his face crying.

 

“I can’t do this, Soo! Take me back!”

 

“Hyung!” the other said kneeling in front of him with his fingers trying to pry the hands on his face.

 

“Soo, I love you! I can’t do this to you! I can’t do this to us!” he said when he looked at those beautiful orbs glistening with tears.

 

“I know, hyung. But we talked about this and we have decided … Come inside. You’re all wet and we don’t want you to get sick. You have a wedding tomorrow”

 

Suho didn’t miss the sad note in Kyungsoo’s tone when he mentioned about his weeding.

 

He let himself to be led into the dorm and then to what he recognized as Kris’ room. Quickly, Kyungsoo ushered him into the bathroom and stripped him off his wet clothing. He sighed when he felt his cold skin came in contact with his beloved’s warm fingers. He missed them so much and he wanted more. Unfortunately, the younger only wanted to thaw him instead of letting him dwell on the heat that he felt everytime the pads of Kyungsoo’s fingers brushed over his blue-tinged skin.

 

After what supposed to be a hot mug of calming tea, Kyungsoo made sure that he was thoroughly warmed and dry before settling to sit on the chair next to the bed where he currently was sitting. He wanted so much to pull the man into his arms and feel the soft pliant body next to his, to breathe in the fresh scent that lingered on Kyungsoo’s skin and to re-connect whatever bond they had decided to sever when they say goodbye. He realized that he might not be able to survive tomorrow without the young man in front of him.

 

“Kyungsoo-yah … Take me back”

 

The younger head’s snapped from its downward position and wide beautiful eyes focused on Suho. He could see a flicker of something fleeted through the depth of those watery eyes but then it was gone. He knew it then that nothing could change their decision.

 

“Hyung, don’t make this harder than it already is. We promised that we will move on and bury whatever between us deep …” Kyungsoo said.

 

“I know I said that but this is hard, Soo-ah. I don’t think I have the strength to go through this” he broke down; tears started to stream again.

 

His heart was breaking again.

 

Looking hard at him, Kyungsoo seemed to weigh something on his mind before the younger stood and went to him and pulled him into his arms. Usually in their relationship, it was the other way around. Suho was the steady rock for Kyungsoo and the source of comfort and stability. But this time the role was reversed, the arms around him supported him physically and somehow slowly Suho felt calmer emotionally.

 

He felt a light kiss brushed his temple as the storm in his heart simmered down. He turned and he found himself face to face with his beloved and as if their hearts knew better than themselves, lips were sealed in a kiss that spoke of love, regret and goodbyes.

 

Suho later left without saying goodbye because both of them knew that it was already final and they had done their goodbyes.

 

The next day, he tried his best to be the groom that people wanted him to be and he thought he pulled it off  quite well since he didn’t break down nor ran away from the altar when he saw his bride being escorted by his father-in-law-to-be towards him. It was bittersweet when he heard Kyungsoo’s voice with the others serenading during the wedding as a gift for him and his newly wedded wife. The lone tear that escaped was unstoppable and he let it went down his cheek because that was the only thing that would tell his beloved that he was not forgotten.

 

 

Seoul 2022

 

The rings on their fingers told Suho that Kyungsoo was now engaged to be married to Kris. He told them that he was happy for them and wished them all the happiness because they both deserved it. Such courage should be rewarded with happiness he believes. Baek and Tao were lamenting on how it was difficult for them to come out in Korea and wondered whether they should move to Canada too. Kyungsoo told them that what was most important was what they feel for each other and to keep it strong, that what matters most.

 

“Right, hyung?”

 

“Right” he agreed.

 

Suho would never tell anyone that though here right now he was at his wife’s side, he was never always there for her when she was alive. He tried to be a good husband and for the first few years he nearly did it but eventually the both of them realized that there was something lacking in their marriage.

 

They liked each other enough but without the love that was supposed to be the connector of relationship non-existant, their marriage turned into the clichéd marriage of convenience. Separate lives, separate circle of friends and separate beds. They even have their own place tucked far away from each other enough not to bump into each other in the same area.

 

He was not proud of the random affairs that he found himself in the past few years, but he was very discrete and so was his wife. He would never question his late wife of her matters and she would never asked about the men she saw him with at so-called ‘business’ dinners.

 

No one needed to find out and the people who knew were wise enough to keep quiet.

 

No one needed to know that his wife was involved in a accident near her apartment and the other passenger was not really her driver.

 

 

Even after these years, Kyungsoo found himself still attune to his ex’s mood. He knew that there was something wrong with Suho but he was no longer privy to his private life. His capacity now was only as a friend and he would wait for the elder to open up rather than upfront confronting him. He hoped that whatever it was, Suho will find his peace soon and have a happy life.

 

When the funeral was over, it was time for him to take his leave with Kris. He would love to go and visit his parents but both of them were still not able to accept that their son was in love with another man. Though his mother talked to him but she only asked about him and not about Kris. It was definitely disheartening but not unexpected. This was Korea after all.

 

“Are you ready?” Kris asked him.

 

He smiled.

 

The tall giant used to be all awkward and gangly when they were in the band but time had matured him and he was lucky that he was able to see the loving and caring side of his duizhang. With Kris with him, Kyungsoo no longer need to be the one that cares all the time because believe it or not the man gives back as good as he gets. Maybe more.

 

 

The smile that Kyungsoo gave told him that he was ready to leave.

“Suho, you should come to the wedding when we finalized the date, alright?” he said lightheartedly.

“Sure. I’ll even make sure the others to be there for you guys” the former K-leader promised.

The sadness and longing looks that Suho were giving to his partner though were lost on the said man, were not missed by him. But he trusted both of them and moreover, he knew that Kyungsoo only has his eyes on him and only him. He had made sure that, Kyungsoo want for nothing in their relationship. First love will always be engraved in ones heart but he had planned to be a greater love to the sweet man that it eclipsed all others.

 

 

They said they goodbyes and went on their own ways. Their ways may cross again but will always be in friendship. Despite the scars and memories they have and even when everything has been erased in the passing of time,  they will wish each other happiness and love.

 

Always.


End file.
